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the standard disclaimer
Jan. 11th, 2019 05:32 amIt's Not That I Don't Love You It's That I'm Really Out Of It Right Now
Resolutions for 2019
Dec. 31st, 2018 09:46 pmi feel kinda weird about this, like saying it aloud will jinx it or something, but here we go.
- • i pledged to write 150k words for
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getyourwordsout this year! so there's that. - • my family got an exercise machine from a friend a few days ago, so i'm gonna try to spend 5-10 minutes on that every day.
- • just... don't backslide again. that's all i ask.
lyricstucks i feel a great need for:
- an
ushiamaokami lyricstuck for last of the real ones by fall out boy- 'Cause you're the last of a dying breed
Write our names in the wet concrete
I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me
I'm here in search of your glory
There's been a million before me
That ultra-kind of love
You never walk away from
- 'Cause you're the last of a dying breed
- a persona 5 lyricstuck for beggars by krewella x diskord
- We're always eager for so much more
Cause reality is a cancer and we've discovered the cure
They took your money and your freedom and your time
They almost took it all but they'll never take your mind
This one is for the beggars
Stand up if you're feeling reckless
They don't understand that we're heartless
We'll never be the same
- We're always eager for so much more
(no subject)
Dec. 28th, 2018 02:31 pm- why is everything so.... everything? //thoughts from the vegetable brain
- grinded and save-scummed for god knows how many hours but i finally!! have a shiki-ouji!! with a luck stat of 99!!!
- turning ann down was dead hard but futaaaabaaaaaa ;A;
- (also, i knooooow i'm not gonna end up doing them all, but i wanna at least try to get all the christmas presents.)
- somehow i always end up maxing out tae first. one day ONE DAY i'll date her... one day....
- walkthroughs have made p5 infinitely more playable. this one is oriented as a first run playthrough, but i'm doing it on ng+, so i have a bunch of free time where the guide wants me to build social stats, and that's 👌👌👌
- i only have the treasure demons, the rank max personas, and satanael left to collect 🙏🙏🙏
- I MAXED THE TWINS' CONFIDANT LINK
- basically i video gamed my brain out and i'm going to video game some more... after i find food.
- i solemnly swear to get something to eat as soon as i get up, which is now.
things on my mind
Dec. 26th, 2018 05:49 pm- i was gonna replay p5 with a better understanding of how the game works and armed with #hot tips, but i forgot how fucking DEPRESSING it is so oi
- i was gonna do a 'year in review' thing but it basically goes:
- started off the year pretty sure i wasn't gonna live to see my 23rd birthday one way or another
- got the right medication, started trying to participate in a separate fandom (keyword: trying)
- gave up tumblr and gave up on that fandom after an assortment of mental breakdowns (mid-year)
- got on pfio, started to heal in the non-toxic atmosphere
- got a good therapist, therapist guiding and expediting the healing
- got into a fandom with a healthy kink meme, l o v e d i t
- made a few friends, love them too
- the rest of the year was the last four making life worth living again, god bless
- my mom liked her gift!! :D
- i was actually kinda wavering on whether to go back to pfio at all, because i'm forever being told that social media is unhealthy and i think i've slowly been weaning off of it? addicted to high-speed tumblr, then falling into mid-speed pfio, now acclimating to glacial-speed dreamwidth... but there are people i miss and lives i wanna hear about on pfio, so i think i will go back once my two weeks are up :')
- i got SO MANY SOFT THINGS for christmas i am #living
- two fuzzy throw blankets
- fuzzy boots
- fuzzy jacket
- fuzzy pants
- and a massive bottle of reeses pieces (not fuzzy but still excellent)
- mac&cheese was made from scratch today. it was delicious.
- one day i'm going to essay about why i love kim cesarion's music videos so much
- i feel very :3 right now
- ....how depressing is p4, i wonder?
accomplishments in jiggle physics
Dec. 25th, 2018 03:44 pmme: *forgoes a good supportive bra for like 5 seconds*
me: *walks, moves, breathes, etc.*
my boobs: We Have Become One With The Animes
(no subject)
Dec. 23rd, 2018 03:54 pmme: UUUGH words are HARD i can't wriiiiiite anything anymoooooore 😭
me: *gives myself permission to royally suck*
me: *writes 1.4k words in a couple of hours*
me: ....well then
me: *gives myself permission to royally suck*
me: *writes 1.4k words in a couple of hours*
me: ....well then
i solemnly swear...
Dec. 22nd, 2018 06:30 pm- to let myself write short things again
- to collect all akirann ficlets into a single ao3 work so i won't spam my page
- to make myself scrambled eggs and/or chilaquiles when i get hungry next
- to let myself write short things again
- to collect all akirann ficlets into a single ao3 work so i won't spam my page
- to make myself scrambled eggs and/or chilaquiles when i get hungry next
- to let myself write short things again
the tenents of a good kink meme
Dec. 22nd, 2018 02:43 pm(as gathered by my frankly highly inexperienced ass.)
- forced anonymity across the board (a drama stopgap)
- no shaming or focused negativity of any sort, aggressively modded (beating back the drama that the first doesn't stop)
- no guidelines on the prompt/fill ratio (more prompts = good, and telling people to fill as well as prompt discourages the non-writers with fun ideas from posting)
- forced anonymity across the board (a drama stopgap)
- no shaming or focused negativity of any sort, aggressively modded (beating back the drama that the first doesn't stop)
- no guidelines on the prompt/fill ratio (more prompts = good, and telling people to fill as well as prompt discourages the non-writers with fun ideas from posting)
compilation of Things
Dec. 21st, 2018 11:35 am- today is a morning for being grumpy and hurty again
- meta got her christmas present~ :D
- my list of "friends'/mutuals' journal entries to reply to" mental tabs grows ever longer. (why no like button?)
- both me and my therapist and me and my mom talked about how... lifeless? demotivated? i feel without social media and came to the conclusion that it might be that, because i absorb so many things from other people (emotions, experiences, etc) maybe i rely on absorbing momentum from other people? tt sounds/feels legit to me, anyway.
- that said, maybe now that i know about it i'll be able to face the issue and self-motivate a bit.
- my writing process lately has been 'put down 300-500 words, take a break to think about it, tell the entire story to yourself and then decide that you're done with it and leave the tab with your draft open indefinitely.' which, frankly, sucks.
- i still haven't played past the first 15 minutes of sly cooper. this isn't sly cooper's fault, it's just where i'm at right now, apparently.
- my achchi has taken possession of the kitchen to make more curry, which sucks because i'm hungry and want fried eggs.
- this has turned into a list of things that suck.
- IN HAPPIER NEWS yesterday me & dora brainstormed an okami kamisama kiss au, and it brings me so much joy.
- i got hugs and cuddles yesterday, which was Good
- i also got up to chapter 105 in my kamisama kiss reread, which is several chapters past where i caught up last. we're onto new stuff now!
- i need a compilation of all the times nanami is #savage af with her reverse harem members.
- mikage is dadding people and i'm emotional.
- Through everything you had all of me, I admit it / You took a toll on me, I don't regret it / It made a better me / Damn, I'm not finished
- sign me tf up for complicated grief
- survivor by destiny's child sans resentment
- also... i feel like it can be interpreted platonically? or, well, as qpp-level friendship. i love that a lot.
- You was my dude / I said that I loved you / My homie, my best friend, and rida now I don't know who you've turned into / We promised forever, it's inked on my skin / To love, to trust, no fucks to give if all is forgiven — it feels like the emphasis was a lot more on the devotion and trust shared than the romance.
- it's... somehow both much more innocent and much more mature than most breakup songs i've heard. acknowledging the pain, acknowledging the impact it had on her, acknowledging that that impact was both good and bad, acknowledging how much she still loves him while accepting that it's over...
- there's no sense of bitterness here, just loss and feeling lost. the betrayal is only mentioned, brushed over (Screwed and confused and dying just to feel used to being used)—it's not 'you hurt me, you betrayed me, you're the worst, you you you', it's 'i'm in pain, i feel lost, i'm stronger for this, i gave you this and i don't regret it.'
- the song is her taking responsibility for her own emotions. it's really... cleansing to listen to.
- i've been staring at my 3ds for like 10 minutes now, wondering if it'd be worth the work to set up a new file on story of seasons, which is probably a sign that i should do that.
thinking things
Dec. 19th, 2018 10:39 pm- my writing progress has once again turned into 'an au a day' with nothing even nearing completion
- i'm hoping that my plan to only count things i published to ao3 towards my gywo pledge will encourage me to finish a little more, but we'll see
- my social media addiction is... really fucking WEIRD. it's like i lose all momentum/motivation in everything once i cut whatever-my-drug-of-choice-is-now out. this happened when pfio was down, too. i don't actually feel bad, it's just that my ability to propel myself into doing anything is just... gone.
- awwww heck. i still need to write that ff7 secret santa thing, ugh
- all these writeups on gender and sex studies would be a whole lot more engaging and interesting if i couldn't hear the morality lecture/'you are a bad person for thinking this transphobic thing' lecture underneath them
- fooooood. gloooorious foooooooooood.
- if i can't write an essay on why a thing i love is Good (in the sense of funny/interesting/surprising/well-executed/etc), what's even the point?
- wrote 1.2k on my misadventures in fandom drama. got a reply. immediately remembered a fuckton more #wild stories to tell. why is this my life.
- panty & stocking with garterbelt is powerpuff girls on crack... and vigaria
- i just found out that it was made by gainax (you know, NGE, FLCL, gurren lagann, those guys) and suddenly everything makes sense
- i also just found out that a couple former gainax employees founded trigger, which not only did kill la kill, but little witch academia and darling in the franxx and my mind is blown
- and yet?? it makes so much sense
- i also just found out that a couple former gainax employees founded trigger, which not only did kill la kill, but little witch academia and darling in the franxx and my mind is blown
- i just found out that it was made by gainax (you know, NGE, FLCL, gurren lagann, those guys) and suddenly everything makes sense
- there's really a song called Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) and i think that's amazing
- i can't remember what i intended to do with this evening. i think it was 'take a nap.'
- i feel so awkward even thinking about chronicling my #writing woes here and that, more than anything, is what's making me want to go back to pfio
- it's not the 'woes' part that's awkward, it's that those woes come in disconnected oneliners that i'd really appreciate likes on but aren't really meant or phrased to be engaged with any deeper than that*—ergo, bad for a site with no likes, only comments
- *NB: i definitely don't mind them being engaged with more than that, but definitely kudos to you if you manage it
- i want something sweet. a food thing, i mean.
- was i supposed to reply to people?
- i'm very bitter about people skimping on their empathy for other real live human beings. very bitter.
- kitty! kitty chirps. my achchi's kitty is chirping and i love him
- my achchi makes very very very good food if you don't mind the flames of hell taking up permanent residence in your mouth (i do)
- ....christmas is soon. very soon. tf?
a collection of Thoughts
Dec. 16th, 2018 04:08 pm- tired, kind of achy—did i wake up in the middle of an rem cycle?
- want more sleep
- friend is excellent friend who has given me a ~30+ message backlog and wordprocessing isn't quite up and running yet
- songs that sound like rain and prose about characters dissociating are a hell of a mix
- i already kinda miss pfio, but i was already missing pfio before i logged off, so
- it just occurred to me that i could totally use my 100prompts table to write the "[persona 5] AU where you get all your party members in the first week and then have like 20 optional palaces in addition to the story"
- 30 optional palaces, one based on each word with a little casefic for each??
- or maybe 25 palaces for each of the given words with the writer's choice squares being slice of life interjection things
- this is absolutely a pipedream. let me dream.
- back to the nonstop cuddling inspo
- still dozing off
- still having a hell of a time focusing on anything creative
- maybe i'll see if i can get anyone to play a 'send me a word, get a headcanon' game with me
- lowkey wearing the same top for a week because
- i don't have any other clean tops right now
- it's FUCKING COLD and it basically amounts to a long sweater covered up with a stiff vest and
- it looks cool
- it is very warm
- self-motivation, wherefore art thou
- TIL: apparently pretty much every country except japan and the US would likely have banned pfio for obscene content eventually if they (pfio) hadn't gone the route they had (with the ban on underage content) but it was still badly timed and badly worded.
- people talking is making me be more awake and i resent that
- i'm madonna with a blade | i'm a picture perfect face with that wild in my veins | wish you luck but you're not bringing us down / we go hard, we get it, get it / we're popstars~
- i'm still 😍😍😍 over space kitsune doing laundry & i don't even know her name
- still need food, still don't want food.
- it's a running theme in my life
- need a haircut. my hair's gotten hard to brush recently.
- i have a weirdly powerful aversion to using the word 'i'
- sorry, all these thoughts come from the void, hallie has no congregated form, is just a collection of brain-emissions into roughly the same space of existence
- [insert joke about looking for self-motivation, i'm too groggy to come up with another]
ANTIMATTER FOR THE MASTER PLAN
Dec. 16th, 2018 07:35 amDW to-do:
- figure out subscription filters (how to make them/use them/etc)
- finish that lunoct+gender roles meta that's just been sitting in my draft page for far too long (auhgahgfhf sorta)
- idk, talk?? maybe get used to microblogging here. as much as i hate to admit it, the flood of 'content' on pfio is actually more offputting than the seeping negativity.
- kick around meta ideas
- be your surgeon, your proctor, your helicopter :D
- kick around meta ideas
- be your surgeon, your proctor, your helicopter :D
community recs?
Dec. 11th, 2018 04:35 pmthe problem with trying to look for communities of my interests is that i have ZERO FAITH that they won't be toxic shitholes. i was on tumblr for 5 years, be gentle with me.
does anyone have community/user recs? fandom blogging, meta, fic, general writing shenanigans, stuff like that? i'm down for pretty much any fandom so long as the community is a positive/chill/preferably pro-kink kind of place.
does anyone have community/user recs? fandom blogging, meta, fic, general writing shenanigans, stuff like that? i'm down for pretty much any fandom so long as the community is a positive/chill/preferably pro-kink kind of place.
- turn left
- au where akira has been at the palace-raiding thing for a couple years before he gets to tokyo.
- a fuckton of lunoct week
- (DROPPED) that genfic bingo thing :/ "but all *ist and *phobic content is banned unless it's properly warned for!!" nah fam that there is a Trap and i ain't stepping in that shit
- i really wanna try thestarlightchallenge? no creepy rules, has cool prompts, etc
and then there are a bunch of wips that i am NOT going to list because that will Seal The Deal that they'll never get done
so anyway
- au where akira has been at the palace-raiding thing for a couple years before he gets to tokyo.
- a fuckton of lunoct week
- (DROPPED) that genfic bingo thing :/ "but all *ist and *phobic content is banned unless it's properly warned for!!" nah fam that there is a Trap and i ain't stepping in that shit
- i really wanna try the
starlightchallenge? no creepy rules, has cool prompts, etcand then there are a bunch of wips that i am NOT going to list because that will Seal The Deal that they'll never get done
so anyway
