compilation of Things

• today is a morning for being grumpy and hurty again
• meta got her christmas present~ :D
• my list of "friends'/mutuals' journal entries to reply to" mental tabs grows ever longer. (why no like button?)
• both me and my therapist and me and my mom talked about how... lifeless? demotivated? i feel without social media and came to the conclusion that it might be that, because i absorb so many things from other people (emotions, experiences, etc) maybe i rely on absorbing momentum from other people? tt sounds/feels legit to me, anyway.
  
  • that said, maybe now that i know about it i'll be able to face the issue and self-motivate a bit.
• my writing process lately has been 'put down 300-500 words, take a break to think about it, tell the entire story to yourself and then decide that you're done with it and leave the tab with your draft open indefinitely.' which, frankly, sucks.
• i still haven't played past the first 15 minutes of sly cooper. this isn't sly cooper's fault, it's just where i'm at right now, apparently.
• my achchi has taken possession of the kitchen to make more curry, which sucks because i'm hungry and want fried eggs.
• this has turned into a list of things that suck.
• IN HAPPIER NEWS yesterday me & dora brainstormed an okami kamisama kiss au, and it brings me so much joy.
• i got hugs and cuddles yesterday, which was Good
• i also got up to chapter 105 in my kamisama kiss reread, which is several chapters past where i caught up last. we're onto new stuff now!
  
  • i need a compilation of all the times nanami is #savage af with her reverse harem members.
  • mikage is dadding people and i'm emotional.
• Through everything you had all of me, I admit it / You took a toll on me, I don't regret it / It made a better me / Damn, I'm not finished
  
  • sign me tf up for complicated grief
  • survivor by destiny's child sans resentment
  • also... i feel like it can be interpreted platonically? or, well, as qpp-level friendship. i love that a lot.
    
    • You was my dude / I said that I loved you / My homie, my best friend, and rida now I don't know who you've turned into / We promised forever, it's inked on my skin / To love, to trust, no fucks to give if all is forgiven — it feels like the emphasis was a lot more on the devotion and trust shared than the romance.
  • it's... somehow both much more innocent and much more mature than most breakup songs i've heard. acknowledging the pain, acknowledging the impact it had on her, acknowledging that that impact was both good and bad, acknowledging how much she still loves him while accepting that it's over...
  • there's no sense of bitterness here, just loss and feeling lost. the betrayal is only mentioned, brushed over (Screwed and confused and dying just to feel used to being used)—it's not 'you hurt me, you betrayed me, you're the worst, you you you', it's 'i'm in pain, i feel lost, i'm stronger for this, i gave you this and i don't regret it.'
  • the song is her taking responsibility for her own emotions. it's really... cleansing to listen to.
• i've been staring at my 3ds for like 10 minutes now, wondering if it'd be worth the work to set up a new file on story of seasons, which is probably a sign that i should do that.