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volpish- akira is aladdin/joker is prince ali
- ann is princess jasmine
- morgana is genie+abu
- shido is the sultan
- kamoshida is jafar
- mishima is iago
EXCEPT street rat akira uses morgana/genie's help to become a master thief (to steal the riches of the sultan's palace and take revenge on shido) instead of becoming a prince. he meets princess ann by chance while trying to make a getaway and steals her away along with the inanimate treasure at her request. somehow, this leads to them plotting to overthrow the sultan and install ann as the new ruler.
yes, i do realize this is no longer an aladdin au. i'm sorry.
- setting: a show like world of dance/dancing with the stars, except with more reality show aspects
- akira and makoto, friends since they were like 5, were trained most of their lives in the same professional ballet studio, and are now competing together in the contemporary section on the show
- ann and ryuji took a hip hop class together when they were teenagers and have been dance friends ever since. they're now competing in the hip hop/freestyle section together.
- the two teams/sections more or less ignore each other.
- then there's some breaktime/for fun episode on the show, and they shuffle partners and genres so everyone can watch them screw tf up—and akira and ann get paired on some poppy/edm song (i was listening to YES by louisa, step on up by ariana grande, and instruction by jax jones)
- they've literally never met before but their styles+sexual tension mesh fantastically and they put on a hell of a show flirting with/showing off for each other (akira can do a flip jump cold and ann can so some crazy feats of strength/balance with spins, she uses him as a stripper pole and he lifts her up one-handed, u kno, nbd)
- interviewer at the end of the segment: "...so. how are you two going to take responsibility for those scorch marks on the dance floor?"
- (they take responsibility by fucking)
bonus:
- akira and makoto were literally the most boring pair on the show, and the only reason they haven't been ejected is because they're Just That Good. makoto specializes in being logical and down-to-earth and no nonsense, and akira specializes in vanishing into thin air even when there's an interview mic in his face.
- they're ridiculously elegant and lovely together and they're eye candy whenever they perform. they've just been attached at the hip since before the westermarck threshold, so sexy snap is... not there lmao.
- re: fucking: glove kink. that is all.
- ann takes care of undressing herself because her outfit is more complicated than it looks, and she's not trying to be sexy about it and that?? makes it?? so much w o r s e. (accidental bombshell powers: activate!)
- ann brings the smirky showman out of akira and akira instinctively gets ann in a way that very few do. it works out.
- as soon as they get off the stage, makoto informs akira that he's moving to the hip hop/freestyle division—no, she doesn't take constructive criticism.
- (the incident also brings out the tv-ready #drama side of akira&makoto, because makoto starts talking about how she couldn't believe that was what they were missing, god akira was such a troublemaker as a kid and they never tried bringing that side of him out in their performances?? what a waste.
- "you were the one who came up with the plans." "you were the one who kept hiring our homeroom teacher when she was working as a fanservice maid." "that has nothing to do with anything!"
- there is. so much dirt. SO MUCH dirt. the floor will never, ever be free of it, because the very floor itself is, in fact, made up of about 15 or 16 years worth of pure embarrassing deets.)
anyway. they dance. they fuck. they live happily ever after.
ng++++++++(etc) akira has accepted that he lives in a year-long time loop and has stopped trying to fix things, and instead has dedicated his endless existence entirely to fucking with people. yaldabaoth, also stuck in the loop, divides his time between fucking with akira and helping akira fuck with people, and turning akira into a girl for a loop or two seems like a good way to accomplish both.
it is. the entire cast is fucked with gratuitously (in fanservice-y ways). with the amount of disingenuous attention towards girls/women in this series, akira's troubles/openings increased by a factor of 5 or some shit. akira is #living.
- kamoshida keeps trying to hit on akira
- ann is highly alarmed and adopts akira into the 'hit on by the pervy teacher' club
- akira takes this chance to turn it into the 'sorry, we're way too hot for you, check back in a million years' club via cockblocking and ntring kamoshida at every possible turn
- miss steal-yo-girl is born
- joker's outfit is mostly the same except he/she's got red leggings instead of pants and boots that cover his/her legs almost all the way up (this design minus the hair)+black garters
- batting his/her eyelashes at goro now makes goro turn interesting shades of red and angry much quicker than before. akira is delighted.
- tae is suddenly much easier to fluster. kawakami took a few levels in motherly and uninterested, as did ohya. hifumi is gushy and clingy, but not necessarily more or less interested. yoshida and iwai just treat him/her more gently than before. haru is uninterested. makoto can't stop blushing. sojiro dads aggressively right from the start. morgana seems distressed when akira tries to change in front of him. the boys are, of course, themselves.
- akira agrees to pose nude in ann's stead, then stares yusuke dead in the eye until yusuke gives up in discomfort
- the real power move is wandering around your enemy's house buck naked, ignoring the company while you look for your cat
everything akira does goes through exactly one filter: 'will it be funny'. there are some premises that just don't work unless your protagonist has given up all pretenses of giving a shit.
—a.k.a. my life as a
- all the human members get the metaverse app on the day akira arrives in tokyo, and shortly thereafter get instructions (a la the reaper's game in twewy) and meet as they work towards the common goal—taking on a palace that may or may not be kamoshida's?
- the attic is where they congregate from the start
- Let There Be Puppy Piles.
- idk man, i need all of the PTs partially moving in with akira and sojiro #suffering and wondering how he ended up with so many kids
- like, they'd all have drawers if akira had a damn dresser, but he does NOT so their stuff just like... migrates seamlessly into akira's stuff and he's forever '?????' at how it all managed to multiply so quickly when he rarely, if ever buys anything that's not immediately consumed in a palace—oh wait this is ryuj's shirt. and ann's PS vita. and makoto's textbooks; why did she leave those here?? oh and futaba left her jacket... and hair... and legs... wait. this is a whole person. futaba go the fuck home.
- #saveshiho2k19
- natsu from skip beat! has a palace and it's an amusement park of doom with the instrumental version of fergie's london bridge as its music (THANKS DORAAAAA)
- mio also, and it's a house of mirrors with the instrumental of linkin park's castle of glass as its bgm
- setsu has one too, except hers is just a giant shrine dedicated to cain
- goro is a dark magical girl archetype working for the Forces Of Evil™ and is redeemed by the Power Of Friendship™ or... something. maybe he and sae just monopolize one of leblanc's tables and rip their hair out over the string of PT incidents.
- hifumi as a PT?
- shiho as a PT?
- shinya as a PT?
- mishima as a PT?
- goro as an honorary PT (in meatspace) who doesn't realize he's essentially been adopted by his worst enemies
- sae is adopted by association
- i'm so happy to see this family grow
- tbh i'm really bad at coming up with concepts for palaces so uhhhh:
-- arena (bgm)
-- aquarium/zoo
-- toy store (bgm)
-- army camp
-- battlefield
-- farm
-- church/chapel
-- sky scraper
-- cloud city (bgm)
-- hell
-- mall (bgm)
-- library
-- theater
-- island paradise (bgm)
-- dam
-- marina (bgm)
-- laboratory (bgm)
-- greenhouse
-- wasteland
-- airplane (SNAKES ON A PLANE)
-- cave system
-- circus
-- prison (bgm)
-- woodland ('we're not out of the woods yet')
-- yeahhh that's all i got
- & idk just. silly friendshenanigans between palaces
- in the middle of a fight between PT and goro, they notice that he's using a double-edged sword/weapon with backlash, and then make it their mission to find a toy lightsaber with better stats and no backlash for him. it's a group project.
- the PTs going to shinya's school events and helping him with his homework
- makoto fussing over her sister whenever they're both at leblanc—which is suspiciously often but sae is to busy to dig into another mystery right now
- haru getting deep into manga with ryuji and akira—action manga, obviously. mishima, conversely, is fond of romance manga
- ann and futaba napping on each other and brushing each others' hair ('but why does this need to happen in my house??' akira wonders helplessly)
- ryuji and yusuke coming along to ann's photoshoots mid-drama and getting fucking pwned by mika
- heated tea vs coffee debates between haru and hifumi
- shiho collaborating with mishima on the phansite, which they run in secrecy and debatable morality
- shiho's brutal honesty vs akira's relentless deadpan snark—who will win?! stay tuned to find out next on today's episode of #savage!!!
- nobody (nobody) thinks mishima is cool, but shiho's 100% on his side. given shiho's... shihoness, mishima would actually probably be better off if she wasn't on his side.
- everyone taking turns making sure yusuke is fed, using various methods of various levels of dubiousness to achieve this (from ann and akira just bringing him normal food that they bought/made themselves to haru lecturing him on fiscal wisdom to ryuji's 'going out for ramen once in a while counts, right?' to futaba intending to get him food but getting into nerd debates with him instead...)
- au where everything is fine and nothing hurts
